Millions Of Stoners Rejoice At Twinkies Return

Well it was last year when we all heard the tragic news that Twinkies were no longer being produced, and this caused a nationwide panic as people scrambled to their local grocery and convenience stores to stock up before they were all gone. Everyone thought the idea of Woody Harrelson desperately searching for the remaining Twinkies in Zombieland was just a joke until it happened for real, the only worse tragedy I could imagine would be if Doritos ceased to exist. That is when cities would burn in the night sky and even the military wouldn’t be able to restore order, but even the threat of Twinkies going extinct shook the entire nation to its core. Hostess who is the maker of Twinkies and other stoner classics like Ding Dongs and Cupcakes, filed for chapter 11 bankruptcy after the failure of labor talks with its workers and productions immediately ceased. When the factories shut down over 15,000 workers lost their jobs and millions of marijuana smokers were stranded without a suitable replacement for their munchies. Since then the company has been in talks with its creditors on how to solve their financial problems, and all the stoners of the world have been in limbo. But it seems that things have finally been worked out as Hostess is now under to new owners who have reorganized things and they have announced that Twinkies will be back on the shelves next month starting on July 15, its time like this that makes you proud to be an American. For when things looked its bleakest everyone in the country stood together and demanded that something be done about this atrocity, and corporate America came to the rescue to again cure our munchies with these sugary snacks. I think this year July 15 will hold a special place in our hearts, as everyone will remember where they were when they were finally able to bite into a Twinkie again. We however cannot let ourselves forget about what happened this past year, so that it will hopefully never happen again. I think the president should come forth and declare July 15 National Twinkie Day, so that it will always be remembered for generations to come.  When Twinkies do finally hit the shelves the boxes will have a tag line that says “The sweetest comeback in the history of ever”, and you know once again they will disappearing from the shelves for a while as all the potheads of the world rush to feed that sugary fix.